Salaam-e-ishq...

... is a movie of a confused director. He wants to say something, but he loses all of it in the melee of his under-used overbearing cast. He takes six couples, and you wonder why. Your confusion is never set to rest, because even at the end of the movie, you are as huh as you were at the beginning. In his effort to fit in all the stories into one, Nikhil Advani loses out on the material.

There is hardly any story which has any palpable depth – in fact there are only five stories – the sixth is hardly a story. If I did not know Isha Koppikar and Sohail Khan were stars, I would have searched the whole screen trying to locate who is being shot there. Their story hardly has anything to do with the other five, nor is its slapstick comedy entertaining in its own right.

A quick performance analysis follows, and may have slight spoilers.

The story of John Abraham and Vidya Balan proves to be the only one with some substance and it aches when its superlative climax gets diluted in the typical shaadi-mandap-esque finale of the other stories. This story comes across as the only reason for which the movie has to be watched. Both John and Vidya excel in this sweet romance. Vidya has matured as an actress, and effortlessly moves from a bubbly mood to a poignant one.

Akshaye Khanna desperately tries to do an Aamir Khan of DCH, but fails miserably. As a "wants-love-not-marriage" guy, he churns out a performance which is a watered down version of Aamir at times, and Rahul Bose in PKSE. After Dor, Ayesha Takia has shown that she has a lot to offer, but Nikhil does not capitalise on it, and she is wasted.

Anil Kapoor gives out a couple of shockers in his role of a middle-aged guy with a successful career, perfect family but boring life. As the dutiful wife and mother-of-two, Juhi spins out a natural performance; it is high time she did something which requires her to “act”. For quite some time now, her characters have become an extension of her real life.

Govinda is old. Period. His comic timing, though, isn’t. His performance is not very different from Bhagam Bhag, and is predictable. His role of a simpleton, falling in love with a phoren maidum is unconvincing, and dull. The phoren-maidum is not too remarkable either. Age shows on Salman Khan too. His awry hair, and body language have nothing to offer. His vintage charm of Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam shows up in bits and pieces, but fails to clear the last mile. Priyanka Chopra is lack-lustre. Her name (Kkamini) and her mannerisms often confuse you into thinking it is actually Kareena onscreen and not Priyanka.

The less said about Isha and Sohail the better. They have a total of 3 scenes, none of which are original or remarkable. Half of their story runs, believe it or not, while the credits roll. Their story (or what is called one) is totally unconnected and runs parallel to the rest. I think it has been included in the movie just to satisfy a numerological need, and nothing else.

Music is not very catchy, the sole exception being the tune of the bagpipes which I intend to use as a ring tone. Camera work is superb, especially when John takes Vidya to his father’s house. Movie is too long, with too many characters playing touch-and-go. Much of the dialogues are takes on old songs, and there are a couple of spoofs as well.

Watch it if you have nothing else to do. Which is why I went in the first place :)